I know it has been a week or so since my last entry. Seems that writer's block isn't completely gone, but we make due with what is available to us. I have been busy this last week, getting to know other autism parents, beyond their children. I know what you all are thinking. OMG! She is making friends. I know. I couldn't believe it either. I was pretty sure that I had moved into a super awkward phase where making friends was impossible. I mean, I am super awkward and often say things out of place, or my humor falls short. I recognize this in myself and am trying to be better about it. Some days it works very well, others, not so much. When it comes to social skills, I am often more awkward than either of my children. Yet, somehow, I managed to find a few friends this week. We talk about our kids' huge breakthroughs, but this was a big one for me. I haven't made a friend in probably 7 years. My world is often a lonely place and if it weren't for Puck, I would likely be a very crazy person by now.
We talk about acceptance in and for our children often. Talking about our children is easy compared to talking about ourselves. Kids are supposed to do the wrong things and mess up. They are expected to say things that aren't exactly PC! As parents, we are expected to be proper and have it together. We aren't supposed to talk about anything that could be offensive or taken wrong. It's all supposed to be perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect clothes, and perfect parenting. I think it is an unwritten rule somewhere. I remember my mother calling me the day my son was born and telling me that it was no longer about me, EVER! But, that isn't really true.
If we aren't caring for ourselves, how are we expected to care for our children? I am not talking hygiene, (though that helps) but about our mental state. We often bury ourselves in the therapies, behavioral issues, and all around autism, instead of realizing there has to be a balance. I, for one, am very guilty of that. I forgot what it was like to be just a not so normal woman. I have been trained to NEVER speak of anything that might be misconstrued as something offensive. This week was much needed, for everyone I think.
Ok, so we talked about things that most of us would never speak out loud. So what! It felt good. Really good! I learned things about people that I would have never guessed. I know they learned things about me. I opened up about things I have long since buried, and worked out some of my own personal issues, all thanks to my new friends. I enjoyed myself. I can't even really remember the last time I could actually say that when it wasn't about my kids or family. I let myself be me and the world didn't end.
I am one of those women who is, for the most part, self aware of my own issues. This week, I learned things about myself I didn't know. I can't say that this week changed anyone else's world, but it did mine. I don't know if it will last or if it will fade away and become a favorite memory, but as for now, I am happy to be a part of a group of friends that accept me for who I am. If there is one thing I have learned, time and time again, nothing can last forever. So, you have to enjoy it while it lasts. I intend to do that.
Most will never read this, and that is alright with me. I just needed the world to know, even if they never really know, what this week has meant for me. I was accepted without judgement for who I am. Even my own family has never managed that neat trick. It gives me hope. Hope for myself. Hope for my children. Hope for the world. Because I know, in one tiny part of the world, there is a judgement free zone with absolutely amazing people in it. If there is one, there has to be more. That, in itself, is grounds for hope for mankind and the possibility for change and acceptance. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
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