Sometimes, I forget that we, as humans, need validations of love. I am not very good with my words when I am trying to express something to someone. I can write until I am blue in the face, but verbally speaking from the heart is nearly impossible for me. I have intimacy issues. I forget that those personal issues can affect my wife sometimes. I don't think I tell her I love her enough. I sometimes wonder if she knows what she truly means to me. I wonder if she knows all that she represents in my life. I feel like I need to tell her, but I always lose the words. I decided tonight, that I would let her know what she means to me. It may come in a round about way. It may go out to the world, but if it means that she gets the chance to see herself the way that I see her, it is worth it.
She is the first morning light on my face. That pleasant warmth that is so encompassing and peaceful. She is the breeze that blows on an early summer day, that makes you feel like the world has stopped. When I look at her, I see the most amazing person I have ever met. She is strong when she needs to be, but she is just the right amount of fragile. She puts the stars in heaven to shame. I could wax and wane about her beauty all day. She has these eyes that look straight into you. They are absolutely soul touching eyes. When she looks at me, my heart leaps that she loves me as she does. It breaks when I hurt her feelings by not being open or when I get frustrated and can't express myself, resulting in yelling.
She has a way about her. It's like she glows. There is a way that she stands, just as she is walking out the door, that takes my breath away. She takes my breath away. When she smiles, I can forget how hard life can be sometimes. She is all encompassing in my life. I truly do not know what I would do without her. My soul would be lost. She owns my soul, not just my heart. She is my everything.
Most importantly, she is my home. You could dump me in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but my kids and her and it would be home. She makes me a better person. She makes me want to BE a better person. I am constantly in awe that she chose me, and constantly in fear that she is going to realize I am not good enough for her. To say I love her does not begin to cover it. I don't have the right words to ever express how deeply I love her. I don't think I will ever be able to really convey what she means to me. She means everything. She holds everything. She binds everything. She makes me feel safe, where I have never felt safe before. To me, she is more than a beautiful girl that I was lucky enough to marry. Her beauty is something to behold, but for me, she just means so much more. I don't think I tell her that enough.
Puck, I love you. I am sorry I don't say it often enough. I need to make a better effort to do so. You deserve it. While I may not have ever done anything to deserve you, you deserve to see yourself through my eyes. You are my shining star in a world that is so often bleak and hopeless. You make me hope for a better world through showing our family how to be a better family. You are an amazing woman. I am lucky to know you, let alone to be married to you. I love you.
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