School is starting. For most of us parents, that is a blessing. It means the kids go off to school and some quiet ensues. The house remains clean longer, there are less dishes, and less fighting. For special needs parents it usually means the dreaded IEP meeting. Our family does not have one in place for either child at this time, but we have been to our fair share of "beat downs." We are intending to get one in place for SS, but JJ, given the new setting, seems to be doing well without them. Therefore, I don't really have that evil meeting every year to fear, but I do fear the "get to know your child" paper I get every year. Teachers send them so that they have the chance to learn about your child, but I often wonder how much they read them. A neurotypical child's needs and general strengths and weaknesses can be so far different than a child on the spectrum. I dread this paper, not only because I have to fill it out, but because it is more important for my child that I fill it out well. This year, it seems so much harder. I am not sure how to answer these questions in a manner that will convey what it is that JJ needs.
The first question caught me off guard a little bit. What do you feel are your child's greatest needs in school?
Well, JJ needs more understanding and acceptance most of all. He is often misunderstood and it can frustrate him. He needs to be challenged or he will get bored. He needs specific and precise instructions. He needs help to remember names and other such things that your typical student would not. He needs reminders to turn in his work. I ensure he does it, but often he forgets to turn it in. He has spent years with teachers calling him irresponsible because he forgets to turn in his work, but the filing cabinet in his brain works differently than most. He takes his work seriously and gets quite upset when he is in trouble for something that he is still working on fitting into that filing cabinet. When he does get frustrated, he needs space. If he seems to be getting agitated, he usually needs a few minutes to recenter himself.
The second question was easier for me, since I taught him last year. What do you feel needs to be emphasized the most for your child during this year in Language Arts?
JJ has a hard time with subtext in literature. Metaphors and euphemisms are very difficult to comprehend for his logical brain. Because he internalizes the majority of his emotions, he will often shy away or shut down if there is content that makes him uncomfortable. JJ stims on a regular basis, leaving him in constant motion. During speeches, he cannot help his rocking. Eye contact is difficult for him, though he does make an effort. His writing is often very technical. We have been working on more sensory oriented writing because, for him, it is one of the few ways a piece he is writing will show passion. We struggle to find age appropriate books for his reading level.
The third question also was not so bad. After looking at your child's school work and observing him/her at home, what suggestions do you have for your child's work habit?
JJ prefers to be at the front of the class. Though not possible for many reasons, he prefers to work on the floor. He gets distracted from a subject he is not interested in easily and sometimes needs reminders. He does need reminders about keeping his handwriting neat. He cannot sit still in a chair. He will rock and fidget with things. He is not being disrespectful. They are not conscious actions. If he has finished his work ahead of others or has any idle time, he can be distracting. Keeping him busy is the best solution for the situation, whether a book or extra work. While on the computer, he needs supervision. He will wander around websites and stray from his task. All homework is done with his screen facing us, so we are sure of the content or work he is doing. He has a compulsion issue and, though he knows right from wrong, he often finds himself burning so hot to do something, that it feels as if it is too difficult to resist. Overall, he is a very good student. He learns quickly and very well, but he does require a little monitoring at times.
The fourth question makes me want to cry. Are there particular interests, strengths or weaknesses that I should be sensitive to in designing a program for your child?
Interests or strengths:
JJ is very interested in anything technological. When he is knowledgeable about a subject, he will pull facts out of nowhere. He is a strong reader and a fantastic writer. He reads to learn, for the most part. He enjoys the stories based in fact or history. When he sets his mind to something, often the result is spectacular. He expects more of himself than anyone else.
Weaknesses:
JJ has very few academic weaknesses, beyond the writing issues I have already addressed. He does have other school related ones though. He is very sensitive, though always wears a brave face. He has a very difficult time communicating. Often when he is saying something, what you are hearing is not what he is attempting to get across. He can come across, when frustrated, as disrespectful, when really he is frustrated. Sometimes, when being questioned, he needs very specific, almost legal, structure to the question to understand. He has a difficult time socializing. He will tell you that people find him annoying. We have always been working on this, but children change. Dynamics in school change. It is ever changing, so we are constantly adapting. I have already addressed his constant moving and needing reminders. As stated, most of his weaknesses are in the social and emotional categories.
The fifth question is my window in. Is there anything that you would like for me to know about your child that is not covered in the other questions?
JJ has Aperger's. He can be rigid and have trouble understanding. He also can have some issues with understanding you. He has an audio processing issue, causing him to often be about a sentence or two behind you. He has trouble making decisions and can get very upset when forced to do so. He is an internalist, meaning that he will shut down when he goes into emotional or sensory overload. He needs time to answer questions or center himself to bring himself back into a functioning mentality. If you have any questions or need help in communications with him, please do not hesitate to call or email me. I prefer to keep in close contact with his teachers due to the fact that he is not on a working IEP. I find that when the teachers and I communicate, he does not require one. I try to give him the most normal experience in school that I can. He is already different and aware of it, so any opportunity that I have to normalize it for him, I take.
That is what I got for the teacher. As it turns out, I write it better than I think it, and yet, it still never feels like enough. Every year I fill one of these out, and every year, I feel like I am not taken seriously. Maybe this year will be different. Maybe the teacher will actually listen to my advice and take it to heart. Wouldn't that be a neat trick.
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