The family spent the afternoon at the river. It often feels like the river is the one place we are all at peace and feel truly safe from the outside world. I am a pretty private person, so starting this blog was very hard for me. I worried that people would figure out who was behind the screen. I know that sounds silly to some people, but I have many fears about letting people in, and particularly about certain people passing judgement, but I needed an outlet. So, I bit the proverbial bullet and just did it. Sometimes we have to let go of our insecurities to make a better reality. I needed to write. Writing, for me, allows me to be myself, much like the river does for our little family.
The river is the place where people tend to want to be alone, so they give space. Some days, it is a bit more crowded, but not on days like today. The temperature is up, but the water is ice cold from the snow melts, so not a lot of people brave it. It is always when our family does it's best. We packed a lunch and ran for the river, needing that escape. It's amazing the things you can see and learn about the world and yourself when you shut out the constant buzz of current that flows through society. Sitting on the bank, listening to the water rush over the rocks and the trees blowing is almost transcendent. Nature is healing.
The laughter of children, who spend most of their days defending who they are and why they do what they do, is an amazing thing. Giving them the chance to just be, is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Our children live most of their days trying so hard to emulate and fit in with those around them, because the world is so cruel. Standing knee deep in the river, being given the opportunity to just be who they are, it's something they love. They can wear their nerdy swimming goggles and do silly stunts, and there is nobody there to tell them it's not "normal."
It also gives me a chance to watch them: I mean really observe them. JJ is so pensive and quiet most days at the river. I can watch him thinking and calculating. When he plays, it is almost always so exacting and mathematical. His mind amazes me. Yes, there are days when he is playful and outspoken, but at the river, he doesn't have to be social. He can be a kid according to his own definitions. Sometimes, I worry about him being so quiet and intense, but I think that is just him. His wheels are always turning, but until we are secluded in our safe place, I think I just don't see it. It's also where he will open up and just talk. At the river, he and I are just mother and son, talking about "normal" things.
SS is not so intense. For her, the river is a place of acceptance. There is nobody there to tell her that talking to rocks is silly, or that trying to make friends with the bees is not possible. It's a world of endless possibilities in her eyes. Both kids are into geology, but she is really my rock specialist. Watching her discover different types of stone or quartz is always beautiful. Her face lights up at each new discovery. If she wants to play in the dirt and pile stones all day, nobody tells her she can't. Nobody is there to tell her she is being too childish, or to grow up and act her age. It's a freedom for them.
For me, it's a healing place. I can forget about the world and the troubles. I could sit for hours watching the water flow by. It's a place where I can be free too. I can watch my children be themselves and not worry about judgement. I can get lost in the tranquility and joy of my children. It's the one place that never fails to remind me how hard I work everyday for them, but it reminds me of the reasons why I do it too.
The world lives on a cell phone. Society thrives on their electronics. Kids are being raised by their gaming systems. Not here. Here, we know and recognize the value of letting that all go. I will occasionally take my iPod down there to take pictures, but you can forget about reception. There isn't any at the places we go. It's our escape. We don't want to be found. I wish more families had that, or went seeking it. It is a priceless thing in our lives, when the weather warms. More families need to leave the world behind for a few hours and get to know each other. They need to spend more time with one another. They need to MAKE time for it. Most of society runs around like mad people, trying to keep up and get things done. Truth is, happiness isn't always in finishing tasks, being "on top of things", or even taking your kids out into the world. Sometimes, you have to take the world out of your family. Slow things down, maybe even stop. Just look around you. Find solitude. Find peace.
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