I know that I have touched on this before, but never have I felt the need so strongly as I do right now. I know I have mentioned the lady downstairs a little here and there and there have been the "dear letters" posted, but I don't think I have ever really touched on the travesty that has become "parenting" these days. The majority of people who have kids aren't really doing it. They let video games, tv, the school, other kids, or their siblings do it. If you don't want to be a parent, get yourself fixed. I cannot stress that enough. If you don't have the time or energy to devote to your child or the patience to guide them through their early years, DON'T have kids!
Parenting isn't easy. It is the hardest job I have ever had. I have to learn to balance guidance with discipline every day. If you spend your days disciplining your child for "doing wrong" instead of guiding them as well as to what is the right action, YOU are doing it wrong. No, I am not the perfect parent. Yes, I screw up. I lose my cool more often than I like to admit. I am aware that this is a hot topic. Never tell a parent how to parent. I get that "golden rule." I HATE it when people tell me how to do it. Here is the thing though, I AM parenting. Parenting isn't a dictatorship. (Cue the hate mail.) Parenting is a give and take. If you raise your child in a house with a tyrant, do NOT be surprised when they become one themselves.
It is a balance. There does need to be clear cut boundaries and consequences. Yes, you do have to discipline, but guiding is more important. Teaching our children to make good decisions for themselves and doing our best to set positive examples for them is more important than slamming them in a time out. EVERYTHING in life is a teaching moment. Open your eyes, people. What happened to the generation between mine and my childrens'? An entire generation was LOST. Yes, a few parents managed to keep their heads on straight and do the right thing, but so many did not.
I get the need to work out of the home. I understand the struggles of going to work everyday. You come home and you are just tired. I get that, but it doesn't mean that you immediately run for cover or ignore your children. Most of you CHOSE to have them. For heaven's sake, CHOOSE to raise them. Just a "Hi, kid. How was your day?" can make a huge difference. Listen to them. Interact with them. If something comes up that you don't like or disagree with, instead of yelling or punishing, TALK to them about how they could have done it different. If it requires a consequence, so be it, but don't raise your kids in fear of constant retaliation. Don't be that person.
Don't foster off your youngest kids on your oldest. They are kids too. They have the same rights to be a kid and make mistakes as the younger ones. It isn't their responsibility to take care of them or watch them. A five year old is going to have no more sense in how to handle a bad situation than the two year old you set her to watch. You didn't have your oldest child so that your youngest had a baby sitter. (At least I sincerely hope you didn't.) Don't treat them that way.
Don't expect your child to obey your rules if you are not there. Letting them go outside to play with the other kids, especially when you know the other kids are hooligans, is not good parenting. You are better off keeping them in and playing a board game. (OH YES! I did just suggest playing with your kids.) Keep tabs on your kids. I am not saying follow them everywhere, but make sure they are in hearing shot or in a place that YOU deem safe for them. A place where, if they get into trouble, you can get to them and help them out. Kids don't raise themselves, at least most don't.
If you leave your children unattended and another parent has "the audacity" to politely request that they play or speak in an appropriate manner around their child, do not act like a stark raving bitch. You were not there. You were not watching your child as you should have been. Unfortunately, this is a touchy subject for so many. If the other parent was RUDE, then yeah, you can let it loose, but most parents I have met in that situation, try to be polite about it. They were uncomfortable with the subject or play involving their child and politely requested that the play be changed. That is not a big deal. It is the other parent doing the right thing and monitoring their child's behavior.
Lastly, I want to repeat myself here. You are the child's parent. Not their dictator, but their guide through life. Take the time out to show them that. Our family goes camping as often as we can. Our children are allowed to be themselves without much interference from us. We take ourselves away from society and electronics. We bond. The type of bond that you create with your child right now WILL dictate the entirety of your relationship for eternity. Don't screw that up. Get to know your kids. Watch your kids. Teach your kids. Guide your kids. Show consequences when warranted, but be gentle. They are kids. Kids deserve parents. They deserve to know that they matter.
There is a reason it is called upbringing. You are bringing your child UP into the world. Lifting them into the best possible position for them to thrive. Don't let society's downfalls ruin that for them. Be a real parent. This applies to parents of special needs and NT's alike. We need to stand up for our kids. Get in there. Get dirty. Go against the grain when you have to. Do what you have to, to bring parenting back into this world. Real, honest, dirty, loving, time spending, parenting! Otherwise, we are all in trouble. If we raise our kids like the majority of the world did with the last generation, we are in a world of trouble. Think on it!
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