Tapped

Been awhile. Currently in the middle of the mother of all adult meltdowns. Once before in my life, have I ever said that I could not take anymore. Today, I said it again. I can't. Before you all freak out and worry about us, it has nothing to do with the kids. It's just a ton of personal crap and we can't catch a break. I feel like we are being pelted with hundreds of concrete bricks from every direction. NOTHING can go right.

Kids treatment: messed up due to circumstances beyond our current control.

Housing: Nobody knows if there is even a solution to that.

Friends: They all seem to be having the mother of bad moods, for various good reasons, but burdening them does nothing but add more to them.

Family: Kids are doing ok right now, but we had a death. My father is not doing well. My mother, as she should, is putting him first.

We have no time to breathe. There is no reprieve. We are in the middle of a meteor storm and there is nowhere to take cover. We need a safe place. We need some sort of security or sense of it right now and it is nowhere. People want to help, but they can't. We are just drowning in a sea of concrete. The ones we need to help: I am betting that won't happen.

We are facing a dark tunnel. A lot of stuff is about to go down for us and we have no footing. We are just teetering along and hoping it all goes well. Hope only goes so far. You have to take action and we have no course. Just, feeling really helpless right now.

I am not usually this down, but it's been a HELL of a month. It's been a hell of a year. I thought it would at least even out, but it just gets worse and more stressful. And it hurts. It hurts me to say I can't take anymore, because I am not a weak little thing. I have always been strong, but I am tapped.